No one ever told me that cancer could lead to depression.
But if I am being completely honest, I guess no one ever told me a lot of things about cancer. And if I am being even more honest, I can easily ask, how could cancer not lead to depression?
The person I was for 30 years – a healthy, strong-willed, happy-go-lucky woman, ready to change the world – was all the sudden ripped away from me in a few seconds when I heard one word – cancer.
I first noticed the signs of depression in 2009. I had finished 8 rounds of chemo and a lumpectomy for my then Stage 1 breast cancer. I was in the midst of my 36 radiation treatments when I broke down with emotions. I couldn’t shake the sadness that seemed to hang over my every day. The world seemed to be closing in around me.
I certainly couldn’t understand WHY I was like this now…after all, I had just “beaten cancer.” I tried to chalk it all up to me feeling exhausted. Deep down I knew it was something more when even spending time with my husband and 18-month-old son was unbearable and hard.
I couldn’t put my finger on it, so I talked to my oncologist who told me depression is very common in the situation I was in – just out of chemo, surgery and radiation. The fact that my life was never going to be the same really started to sink in. Continue reading