When the Bubble is Punctured: Finding Ways to Cope with Complex Emotions

Seagull-Deborah_mediumMeet Deborah Seagull, PhD, a therapist who helps people diagnosed with cancer and their families cope with the illness. Dr. Seagull wrote this post for the LBBC blog on coping with complex emotions after breast cancer, including fears of recurrence. Dr. Seagull is also the speaker for our upcoming community meeting, Survivorship: A Road Map, taking place this Monday, April 7, 6-8 p.m. at the Philadelphia Marriott West in West Conshohocken, Pa. 

Fear of recurrence is something that most individuals diagnosed with breast cancer struggle with. Oddly, many times it doesn’t matter if it is an early- or late-stage cancer, the fear of the cancer coming back or metastasizing is forefront in the minds of many women. It can be overwhelming, as oncologists can give statistics and likelihoods, but no one can ever give you certainty.

For many women, a pain, a twinge, or even a cold can signal a sign that the cancer may be back, and that these fears are going to be realized. It’s always there as a possibility, and can make it hard to settle back into a normal life. One hallmark emotional feature of individuals with cancer is that there is a puncturing of life’s security. We all walk around knowing that there is the possibility that we could die, but when you are diagnosed with cancer, the possibility becomes much more real. Most people have the luxury of leaving death in the background, and living there life as if there is no limit. When the bubble is punctured, and it is possible (even if it’s not likely) that you could pass away, feelings of insecurity surface. It takes time to regain a sense of stability, and to feel like you can return to enjoying the things you used to. Things may feel mundane in the face of this loss of security, and it may be hard to find meaning or joy in the things that you used to.

In my practice, it is important for my patients to understand this process. It is very natural and normal to react with worry and sadness when one’s life and security is changed. Knowing that others feel the same is generally a source of comfort to my patients. There is a grieving process associated with being different than the person they were before, and having to accept a ‘new normal.’ They cannot go back to being a person who was never diagnosed with cancer, and so, in some ways, life can’t be the same again.

Being able to express these feelings authentically, and finding ways to manage these emotions as well as creating ways to cope with uncertainty, goes a very long way. Sometimes the most difficult thing is to be honest about the fears and share them with others to know that you aren’t alone with this. It is also important to know that you have power and agency in your life, and many choices that you make. Your choice of diet, exercise, assertiveness with your physicians and family members go a long way to push away feelings of vulnerability and powerlessness. You also have resources to reach out to others in a similar situation which can be a tremendous source of comfort.

In my talk on Monday, April 7, I will explore some of these difficult feelings as well as ways that you can combat the fears of recurrence that plague so many survivors. This will be a chance to learn techniques, explore feelings, and connect to others that can relate to these fears.

Join us at our April 7 community meeting to learn more about Dr. Seagull’s insights and strategies for coping with complex emotions. Can’t attend? Check lbbc.org/event-archive next week for a podcast of the event.

5 thoughts on “When the Bubble is Punctured: Finding Ways to Cope with Complex Emotions

  1. Reading your article is everything I feel . I had four by pass heart surgery in 09 and a bilateral mastectomy for invasive lobular cancer in 2012. Sometimes when I want something, like clothing,eating something special,and a new car, I say “what if I die and I passed all this up”. Now things financially are getting tight so now I’ m worrying about how will we live . What can I do?

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