From cancer in me to being cancer- free

This entry was written by Jaime Rossano. Jaime was diagnosed with 2B invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer. Jaime is a college student pursuing a degree in Humanities and Social Science Every other Friday, Jaime will share a blog entry about her breast cancer experience. This year-long blog series is in honor of LBBC’s 20th anniversary.

To read Jaime’s previous entries, enter “Jaime Rossano” in the search box on this site.

The last few weeks have been sort of slow. There were no doctor’s appointments, no radiation appointments, nothing that I have had no choice of. I have been trying to adjust to life again. Writers block made itself known for the past few weeks. I guess it’s because nothing has been physically happening to me for me to share.

I realize that I’ve been traveling at a speed of 100mph since December and now, all of a sudden, I have stopped.  It’s really weird when things just stop. You are left feeling a bit lost – if you ask me. I’ve been trying to feel normal. I’ve been trying to figure out who I am after cancer. I know who I was before cancer, during cancer and now that I’m cancer-free, I’m faced with another question.

First of all, I’m not sure how much I like the term: cancer-free. I feel like those little alien cells can attack me at anytime so I I’ve decided to label this chapter: My Life After Treatment.

My days are always filled with so much joy. I spend a lot of time with my family and friends. I almost feel like what I went through was a dream. I remember every moment going through the process like it was yesterday. I have days where I wake up and I feel wonderful – like nothing has ever happened. But then there are those other days I just sit there and stare at myself in the mirror.  

I begin to wonder…

What was the true reason that this has happened to me? What lessons have my cancer taught me? How has this changed me?

My days are still confusing. I still have to leave notes for myself since my mind has been very forgetful. I have a list of my medications everyday so I don’t forget any. I have to look at the calendar every day to remember what day it is and to make sure I don’t miss something. My calendar is really empty this month compared to the past 10 months.   

I am left feeling anxious, nervous and self-conscious. I am left to find my own way. Me trying to return to life can be compared to that new kid in the classroom. For me it’s not easy. I know things will eventually fall into place but I’m struggling to figure out how that is going to happen.

I can finally admit I’m struggling to find myself. Cancer has taught me a lot of lessons. Honestly, I would much rather have read a book and took a quiz to learn these lessons but hey, I didn’t have a choice and I’ve been making the best of this situation.

Ronnie has graduated to the next classroom at his school and has been formally introduced to the potty! The over-achiever can even count to ten in Spanish and he sings the entire alphabet!

Do you, like Jaime, question the word cancer-free? You may be interested in joining LBBC for this month’s FREE teleconference: Monitoring for Recurrence and Managing Fears. Call (610) 645 – 4567 to register today. The program starts at 12 noon (EST).

4 thoughts on “From cancer in me to being cancer- free

  1. Loved your comment “I would have much rather read a book”!

    You will be ok, Jaime – you have already conquered half of the battle just by looking at all the blessings in your life. Just remember, you are not Superwoman – it’s ok to feel things about your cancer. The key is to find a healthy outlet to let it all go from time to time . For me, it’s the kitchen🙂 Cooking is my therapy. I also like yoga.

    Find the ones that suit you best.

  2. Jaime

    You are not alone with these feelings. Many have felt just like you do right now. You are still you; and you will always be you: but this journey introduced you to a different you. Breast Cancer has taught us all a lesson or two and I agree with you, let me read the book or rent the movie. However these lessons make us stronger. The tests may slow down, the doctor visits too; the treatment is over but you are still on the journey. I think full recovery is once we’ve had a chance to disect it, and digest it all. Then we can truly heal. You are a wonderful writer; keep writing because what you say may be just what someone who has walked in your shoes needs to hear. Enjoy Ronnie, have a ladies night; take a little get away with Ron. Before you know it you will begin to feel like you; but it will never be the same you; it will be a more enlightened you. Bless you!

  3. i am 40 married male with no kids, read your stories and felt similar feelings. i was diagnosed with soft tissue sarcoma in the abdomen in ealry 2009 and felt it was my end. Had to undergo radiotherapy then a major surgery. All follow up test and CT images over the last 2 years were fine up to last month when i was again daignosed to have recurrent sarcoma. What a feeling! what a very difficult test from god?! Again, i have to suffer and feel the physical and emotional difficulties. My dear wife is always on her nerves fearing from loosing me. Don’t know what to do…totally lost…Help me

    • I am crying now that I have finished reading your entry. The only thing I can tell you is just think of all the positive things you have accomplished and what you want and will accomplish. Hold your loved ones close, tell them things you always ment to say but couldn’t, believe that although this journey absolutely sucks it is going to be hard but you have to fight. Fight through those tough times and just live. Tell your wife just to enjoy every moment you share together make memories and laugh, hold eachother and cry together. I believe god only gives us what we can handle. I still ask myself why this type of test but there is a reason and one of these days you as well as I will figure it out. Please don’t lose hope.

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