Cancer – my PEN-PAL

This entry was written by Jaime Rossano. Jaime was diagnosed with 2B invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer. Jaime is a college student pursuing a degree in Humanities and Social Science Every other Friday, Jaime will share a blog entry about her breast cancer experience. This year-long blog series is in honor of LBBC’s 20th anniversary.

To read Jaime’s previous entries, enter “Jaime Rossano” in the search box on this site.

Dear Cancer,

          You came into my life unwilling of what I had to say about it. You attached to the cells in my body so that I had no choice in treatment. Because of you I had to lose my boobs and I feel like Frankenstein. Because of you I lost my hair, my eyebrows and my eyelashes. Because of you I have felt incomplete.

          Because of you I lost a sense of myself and who I was. Because of you I haven’t felt like a woman. Because of you my sex-life is non-existent. Because of you I feel weak and scared. Because of you I have found myself crying at the bottom of the shower most mornings. Because of you I hate how I look. Because of you I gained nearly 60lbs.

          Because of you I had to fight for my life. Because of you there have been things done to me that only my other “sisters” would understand. Because of you I now have to worry if you are ever going to come back. Because of you I have doctors’ appointments every three months. Because of you I have my blood drawn every week because you played games with my potassium. Because of you my feet hurt because they are so swollen from all the fluid. Because of you I have hot flashes, insomnia, night sweats, nervousness, forgetfulness and now – a stutter.  

          Because of you I’ve had to adapt to different ways for my son, Ronnie, and I to play. Because of you each time I had chemo I lost a week of spending time with my son. Cancer, quick question? Do you consider or have a bit of compassion for the little children who you affect? They are battling the disease just as hard, if not harder, than me.       

          Cancer, I’m not sure if this will excite you but I have taken this awful disease and I have turned it into something amazing! You made me realize that not every day is promised. I realize that I can’t live life afraid. I have to be strong, not only for myself but for Ronnie, and of course my husband. I need to smile everyday because it just makes me feel better. I finally realized where my life is leading me and it is taking me some really great places. So, thanks, cancer.

          Because of you I am thankful you have made me stop and open my eyes. Going through this whole situation has been a test of strength, determination, faith, love and overall fight to survive. Back in December when I officially started my treatments I never thought I would see the end or see that the end was near. I officially have 8 radiation treatments left and then my treatments are done. Over the past 8 months there have been many challenges but also so many memories thanks to you, cancer.

          Cancer, you taught me that just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, the sun finally starts to shine. Ok, ok – I admit, when you first entered my body, if someone told me that the sun would shine, I would have told them to shut the blinds! But it’s almost over for you! And as I come to the end of this journey, you’ve showed me that I must realize what an incredibly amazing person I am. I am much stronger now. 

Signed, sealed, delivered,

Jaime

To read more about Jaime’s journey, be sure to search “Jaime Rossano” on this site.

3 thoughts on “Cancer – my PEN-PAL

  1. Jamie, reading your work was like going down a rollercoaster memory lane, I was 33 when diagnosed with a baby 6 weeks old, I want to share I am now 54 and my baby turned 21 last dec, something I was not sure I would be around for, anddddddddddd I had another baby 3 years after chemo. Know and believe that this hiccup came into your life for a reason, and know and believe you can beat it. Ty for sharing with us all, hugs kathy xoxoxoxo

  2. Wow I am so happy you are now able to feel this way. I know you have not had an easy raod but you have truely turened this nasty disease into a positvie thing!! You have made any women who has come into contact with you know that god forbid they ever have to go through this that they will be ok. I want to thank this god aweful disese for bringing my best friend back to me for life!! I love you and your strength and only 3 more treatments after tody what a wonderfuk thing!! Love you so much!
    your BFF Jenn

  3. Wow, Jamie, the way you “spoke” to cancer was awesome. When I first heard about you, I was so, so angry because you are so, so young. Cancer is horrible, but, for me, when it affects someone so young, like yourself and my three nephews, I want to scream out in anger. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer – at age 51 – I actually started making “deals” with cancer and with God — let me see my first grandchild, let me dance at my son’s wedding, etc., etc. Then I began the, “well, I lived a great life, so be it…”

    I am so incredibly happy for you – that you are finished your treatments and you are on the road to putting this behind you. It will always be there, but don’t let it define you.

    When all is said and done, it was the love that gets us through! Just love your hubby, your son, your family and most of all love yourself. You are a very strong young woman who can do anything now. Good luck! Terry McFadden

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