Chemo chapter — checked off my list

This entry was written by Jaime Rossano. Jaime was diagnosed with 2B invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer. Jaime, an instructor at a play and music facility, is alsocollege student pursuing a degree in Humanities and Social Science Every other Friday, Jaime will share a blog entry about her breast cancer experience. This year-long blog series is in honor of LBBC’s 20th anniversary.

To read Jaime’s previous entries, enter “Jaime Rossano” in the search box on this site.

It was a busy month for me – lots of doctor’s appointments and things to celebrate. Last Monday, my “Chemo Chapter” came to a close. I was looking forward to the week of hell to be over with so I could officially say I am done with chemo. Although my “Chemo Chapter” is over with, and I was very happy about it, I really didn’t want to celebrate. Maybe it’s because my journey is not over. But is it ever over?

I’m nervous now because I am not getting medicine to keep this cancer away.  I’m nervous to see what my hair is going to look like once it grows back. I have a little fuzz and it actually looks grayish brown. YUK…. It’s not growing fast at all. Is it weird to be excited to shave my legs or even my arm pits again. It makes me feel like a women. What I hope grows back quickly are my eyelashes. It’s funny how important they are when you are trying to do your makeup in the morning.

For the past 6 months, my normal was going to chemo every three weeks and feeling like hell for the week after. What is my normal going to be now? It’s scary not knowing what you are going to do next. It’s like living with a big question mark following you over the top of your head.

Now my new normal is radiation. I heard it will take me longer to get Ronnie and myself together than it will actually take for radiation to be done.  I had my scans done and have officially been “tattooed” with three little black dots in preparation for radiation to begin the 28th of June. As I lay on the table, of course undressed from the waist up, the tech drew on me with a sharpie. Next, the tech placed tape all over me and, oddly, all I could do was laugh.

I feel no shame to lay on that table but I can’t even look at myself in a mirror. Does this make sense?  Another chapter to add to my journey is about to begin. With a new chapter there also comes a lot of questions and concerns. I know I can’t see, smell or taste the radiation but what damage will it do? I know it is being used to save my life but what damage is it going to do to me in the meantime? It seems like everything they use to treat you is everything that they use to affect you…

I have been given the ‘okay’ to have my port removed. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for that. Ronnie has a habit of bumping it the wrong way to make me want to come out of my skin! I am hoping to have that scheduled for the 24th of June.

living beyond breast cancer, young women, 20th anniversary

Also this month I will be celebrating my 28th birthday and my 3-year wedding anniversary.  Stay tuned to see how I decided to celebrate.

To read Jaime’s previous entries, enter “Jaime Rossano” in the search box on this site.

Do you, like Jaime, have bittersweet feelings about breast cancer treatment? How do you control those feelings and what advice can you give to women who are in treatment? Comment here or on our Facebook page.

To learn how you can make can make empowered decisions about surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, hormonal therapy and targeted therapy, you may want to order LBBC’s Guide to Understanding Treatment Decisions.

One thought on “Chemo chapter — checked off my list

  1. I know it is scarey but you will be able to handle everything that is coming your way you are one of the strongest people that I know and have a great support system behind you!! I am here for you when you are scared I know I have no clue what it is like to be in your shoes but I am here to listen!!! I love you and can’t wait to spend this next leg of your life with you!!
    Your BFF,
    Jenn

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