This entry was written by Jaime Rossano. Jaime, an instructor at a play and music facility, is also a college student pursuing a degree in Humanities and Social Science. Every other Friday, Jaime will share a blog entry about her breast cancer experience. This year-long blog series is in honor of LBBC’s 20th anniversary.
To read Jaime’s previous entries, enter “Jaime Rossano” in the search box on this site.
I keep reading over my last blog and I feel like it was all over the place. But who would be in one place when you have breast cancer?
I have spent so much time contemplating what to write about this week. I keep thinking: where would I be if I didn’t have to go through this? I’d probably feel like life was passing me by. I’d tell myself about the things I’d want to change; but of course, I’d get so wrapped up in life that things wouldn’t change — I would still be working…and settling.
For the last several weeks, I have had a lot of time to think, feel, discuss, observe and learn. I made the decision that right now, I am what matters and I am taking care of me.
Being out on disability has given me a lot of free time to watch TV. My new favorite shows are all the cooking shows, especially Kitchen Boss, Cake Boss and Rachel Ray! I have to admit I am no “Betty Crocker” in the kitchen or the next Rachel Ray for that matter! I wouldn’t even say I can cook to be honest. I am a meat and potato type of girl but my husband and my son love everything. With that said, one of my new goals is to be a better cook.
I started with homemade mini banana muffins (they were yummy). I’m learning how to make my own spaghetti sauce. I’d rather make real chicken cutlets as opposed to “shake and bake.” I want to start making healthier choices for fruits and veggies – not from the can, but actually buying them fresh. My family is the reason why I want to make healthier choices. HAPPY BELLIES mean HAPPY FAMILY.
I am nominating myself for TLC’s What Not To Wear once I’m finished with my breast cancer treatment. I NEED FASHION HELP! I live in comfy clothes. I own one pair of jeans that I wear on average, once a month. I want to feel like a sexy wife and a cool mom when all of this breast cancer stuff is over. Right now I have scattered patches of hair on my head, my face is pale, my eyes are getting a little dark underneath, and I have gained a little weight. I don’t want to get dressed up. I try to put make-up on but it just doesn’t look the same anymore.
As I recover from chemo I am gaining acceptance of this disease. I still think to myself: why? I don’t have answers so like my dad would say, I am going to “step over the line and breathe.”
So over the past few weeks I have come up with a few thoughts about my life and things that I am going to change. I don’t want to just settle anymore. I’ve done this so often because I was comfortable where I was and I hate change. But, going through this process I can admit, the old me is dying and the new me is being born. I was settling because I didn’t think I would be able to have what I really wanted. Breast cancer makes me realize that I deserve the best for myself and I will make whatever I want in life to happen — now. Why wait?
Do you refuse to settle for less? Tell Jaime when your turning point was. When did you realize that breast cancer is simply a process, and when you’ve recovered, you can still make things happen in your life?
Be sure to read Jaime’s previous entries, by entering “Jaime Rossano” in the search box on this site.