Randi Rentz: Here to Help

Regular LBBC blogger, survivor and author, Randi Rentz was recently contacted by a woman for information and support about being newly diagnosed.  At Living Beyond Breast Cancer we have volunteer survivors who provide the same service through our Survivors’ Helpline. Here on the blog, Randi shares her answers as well as her appreciation for organizations like LBBC.

 Source: winmesothelioma.blogspot.com

A newly diagnosed woman (who did not want her name mentioned) recently contacted me about my breast cancer experience. Like most newly diagnosed women, she had many questions. Although we stayed on the phone for two hours, I wanted to give you a short Q & A regarding self-exams and my go to organization, Living Beyond Breast Cancer.

Q. Tell me a little about yourself and your lifestyle.

A. My name is Randi Rentz, I am 46, and single. I work for a public school outside Philadelphia, where I teach children, K-5 on the Autism Spectrum; primarily children diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. In addition, I have my own consulting company, Rentz Consulting, where I work with people of all ages on the spectrum. I have also just completed a book called “Why Buy a Wig…When You Can Buy Diamonds,” which is a memoir about my breast cancer experience. I am hopeful for a Fall 2013 publication. You can find more information about my book at www.randirentz.com.

Q. Describe how you found your cancer, were you on ‘watch’ or did it sneak up on you?

A. I found my lump doing a self exam in the attic of my father’s house while packing up his mementos after he passed away. I had sharp pains shooting below my left breast into my rib cage. I was only 42 and had no immediate family history or a first degree relative with the disease. I credit my life being saved to groups like Living Beyond Breast Cancer, for creating so much awareness and education about self-exams. When I told my doctors about the lump many of them told me not to worry because it was probably a cyst since I’ve had a few cysts before. Also, I was relatively young and had no family history. I think it is so important, for young women especially, to do breast self exams. But, my doctor I first showed the lump to insisted that it wasn’t anything to worry about and to go home after she looked at my mammogram. I insisted in getting an ultrasound, which looked bad, and then I got a needle biopsy the following week.

Q. Following diagnosis, what helped you cope the most, and gave you strength?

A. My friends (they came to treatments and took care of me by cooking for me, doing my laundry and just keeping me company), and co-workers (they were such cheerleaders and volunteered to sleep over my place many evenings)! Also, my doctors were incredibly supportive (always reassuring me that I was doing a great job with treatment). And, therapy (I saw an amazing therapist who specializes in treating cancer patients and their families). Speaking to other survivors was incredibly helpful: that is why I wrote my book…to be there for other women.

Q. How has breast cancer changed your outlook on life?

A. I try to make myself worry less about the little things and feel very appreciative of life. We recently had a talent show at school where I cried when I saw a few girls dancing on the stage….absolute tears of joy. I could not believe how lucky I was to be watching these girls leap through the air. They looked so beautiful in their pink tutus, black tights and pink ribbons in their hair. I realized that my life has gone on, but there is always an homage to how lucky I am to be living, an appreciation that pink ribbons have such a complex meaning to me.

Q. What advice would you give to someone who is newly diagnosed with breast cancer?

A. Do your homework and get involved in your treatment options because it will make you feel so much more in control. Get a 2^nd and 3rd opinion if you need to (I got 5)!

Q. How has Living Beyond Breast Cancer been helpful to you?

A. The educational programming that LBBC is doing is making me feel that the world will be a better, safer place for women diagnosed with breast cancer. In addition, their goal is to empower all women affected by breast cancer to live as long as possible with the best quality of life. And, I know that feeling the power of their organization, the power of their community, makes me feel that I am not alone in this fight. The organization continues to make me feel like I am part of a huge team in fighting this disease. Also, I really think that LBBC helps people realize how much the families are changed by breast cancer, and the ripple effect of a breast cancer diagnosis on a family. LBBC has shown me how much can be done in the fight against this disease because breast cancer often leaves us feeling so powerless. LBBC is a great example of how much can be done, and how much hope there can be in ending this terrible disease.

To learn more about Randi, peruse her blog, or read excepts from her book, Why Buy a Wig…When You Can Buy Diamonds!, you can visit her website.

Jeanette Caligiuri: Triple Negative, Triple Threat

On Tuesday, July 10th, Living Beyond Breast Cancer will host a free Community Meeting addressing the diagnosis of triple negative breast cancer.  In preparation for that event, LBBC would like to introduce Jeanette Caligiuri, co-founder of Faith & Hope Boutique and an eloquent triple negative breast cancer survivor.

I am sure we all vividly remember the day that our lives changed forever when our worst fears were confirmed; “I am so sorry…you have breast cancer.” I wish I could say I was stunned or shaken, but what I was feeling was almost relief…

Breast cancer has always been part of my life; it very hard to remember a day that we didn’t coexist. The disease has touched every female family member on my maternal side. I have childhood memories of spending Thursdays at Pennsylvania Hospital in outpatient chemo with my mom who was diagnosed in her late twenties. I often assumed that everyone’s mom was bald and unable to hug too tightly because of her latest “boo-boo.” My mother was taken too soon, barely thirty-five, her mother in her early fifties and the chain continued…to me. To some, my story is sad, but to me it’s empowering. I armed myself with knowledge and preventative care. When the enemy came knocking, I would be prepared. I had an army of three who I felt with me through every surgery, each round of chemo and numerous setbacks. I had the knowledge that I was a BRCA1 mutation carrier—the only puzzling thing about my diagnosis that I was to learn was that my breast cancer was triple negative.

“What does that mean?” I naively asked the surgeon, “Negative is good, right?” I heard myself scream with fear. “Not exactly” are not words of reassurance from your doctor as he went on to explain and rattle off statistics that I was no longer able to comprehend. My focus was on aggressive, poor prognosis, higher mortality and many more awful adjectives.

Upon returning home, I immediately hit the web and researched into the wee hours of the morning. I remember waking the next day paralyzed with fear that I would never see the youngest of my three sons’ graduate elementary school, let alone Start College. I vaguely remember time passing slowly until the following weekend arrived, when I attended my first annual Fall Conference: “News You Can Use” hosted by Living Beyond Breast Cancer. That morning, before the first keynote speaker took to the stage, I was embraced into the sisterhood that spoke to my fears and filled me with resolve. If anyone was meant to be in attendance that day, it was me, as a key focus of the conference was on triple negative breast cancer. I learned so much that day and left with renewed spirit and most importantly, hope.

Now that I am a six-year survivor, I have taken many lessons from this journey: that we don’t get to choose what happens to us in life, but we do get to decide how to use it. My experiences have given me a voice to speak to young women while volunteering for groups like Living Beyond Breast Cancer and Young Survival Coalition. I have been rewarded the gift of purpose by co-founding my survival shops, Faith & Hope Boutique. But the greatest lesson I have learned is that good things come in threes: the legacy of my Grammy, mom and myself. My three sons, who I have watched graduate from elementary and high school. That we all have a past, can live for today and tomorrow is future enough to plan for. That most importantly, a triple negative diagnosis what not my ending, but a new beginning.

For more information about Faith & Hope Boutique, a shop fully staffed by survivors who are ABC and BOC Certified and rely on their own personal post mastectomy experiences to aid in your recovery, visit their website. Also, if you’re interested in learning more about triple negative breast cancer, head over to the LBBC website to order or download the Guide to Understanding: Triple Negative Breast Cancer.

Judy Zwillenberg: Insights from an LBBC Intern – Part 1 of a 3 Part Series

The staff here at Living Beyond Breast Cancer is excited to have many new faces and strong minds in the office, with a special appreciation going out to our interns. During her stay here at the LBBC office, intern Judy Zwillenberg will share what it’s like to be a part of the team as she works on the Young Women‘s Initiative.

I began my work at LBBC when I volunteered in the spring of 2010 for my high school senior project. This summer, I am interning in the Education Department on the Young Women’s Initiative. I have worked on a number of projects, but for this blog post, I want to focus on my research on young women diagnosed with breast cancer.

The articles I read addressed two different aspects of breast cancer treatments for young women. First, they discussed the biological and medical sides of a breast cancer diagnosis. These included treatment options, recurrence, and the effects of obesity on breast cancer. Many breast cancer specialists seem to devote a lot of time to these topics, especially those which apply to a broad range of breast cancer stages, ages, and races. However, fertility after breast cancer, an area I found particularly interesting,  is an issue faced predominantly by young women and receives much less attention. In addition to the initial shock of being diagnosed with breast cancer and facing treatment, young women must also think ahead and family-plan. Many do not receive adequate guidance and do not know how long to wait after treatments to conceive (2 to 3 years), or how chemotherapy affects fertility (it may lead to premature menopause). The article made it very clear that counseling about these questions must be available to women who still want children after their treatments.

The other informative part of the articles I read was the discussion regarding planning programs and events for survivors. Many of the articles outlined effective programming as a way to address young women’s needs during and after breast cancer treatment. Treatment is not simply mastectomy versus breast conserving therapies, or chemotherapy compared to radiation. To women diagnosed with breast cancer, support groups and programs are also vital to their recovery and quality of life during and after breast cancer. In a study conducted by Komen, women of different ages and races convened in focus groups to discuss the disease. An overwhelming majority of the women wished that, at their time of diagnosis, they were given information about support groups. Also, they felt that many of the materials they received did not focus on their specific age bracket, race, or breast cancer stage, but rather on a larger and vague idea of “breast cancer.”

Although the topics of the articles varied, in my opinion, they all stressed the need for organizations such as Living Beyond Breast Cancer. LBBC is a truly unique breast cancer non-profit: it combines up-to-date medical news and educational and social programming to provide women with breast cancer with essential resources. Not only does it make information about diagnoses and treatment options available through pamphlets, events and teleconference, but it also dedicates an extensive amount of time and energy to educational programming devoted to specific groups of women. Young women, for example, can receive information specifically pertaining to them and their needs, or attend conferences focused solely on their demographic, such as C4YW: The Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer. In general, there is a dearth of programs out there which focus on specific age brackets, races, or breast cancer stages, but LBBC tries to fill in some of the gaps through their programming.

Judy is a rising sophomore at Cornell University as a Biology and Society major.You can find more information about the Young Women’s Initiative at the Living Beyond Breast Cancer website. Come back next month for another peek into Judy’s work here at LBBC.

Tim Miller: A Thank You from Kim

Nurses play a critical role after a breast cancer diagnosis.  Did you know that May is Oncology Nursing Month? In recognition of their hard word,  Living Beyond Breast Cancer is featuring stories from our readers in celebration of their oncology nurses. Here an LBBC Volunteer, Tim Miller, shares a very special letter from his wife.

Hi, my name is Timothy Miller. When I first heard that LBBC was honoring oncology nurses this month, I knew that I had to write this blog.  My beautiful wife, Kim, was diagnosed with breast cancer in early 2007 and lost her battle on January 2nd 2011.   My wife loved her doctor, Nancy Lewis, very much; she is the most incredible doctor to our family. But Kim would always talk about how she loved “her girls.” Her oncology nurses were always there for her every need.  A bad day in the hospital can set a cancer patient back for a week. I don’t think oncology nurses get the credit they deserve, because they do it all! From giving meds, to doing inter-personal things, but most of all the compassion they give is incredible.   The last year of Kim’s life was very tough on her and our whole family. From August until the day before thanksgiving, she was in the Jefferson hospital 3rd floor oncology unit—three months is a long time. I had to work and take care of two boys and when I couldn’t make it up there she would say, “Don’t worry, my girls got me! I couldn’t make it without my girls.”

Right before Kim went in the hospital in August, we found out she needed chemo for the first time since her first round when she was diagnosed. We went to a park on her 46th birthday and took family pictures before she lost her hair; it was a very special day for us. The next day, everything went crazy and she was admitted to the hospital for her three month stay.  Kim decided to shave her hair so she would not get upset over every piece that fell out. There was a wonderful oncology nurse named Megan in Jefferson’s oncology unit. That day she had finished her shift but she came to check on Kim. Megan helped us take care of Kim’s hair and stayed with us during that traumatic moment in our lives. When I told my son, Brian, that I was going to write this blog, he said, “Write about that pretty nurse that helped us shave mommy hair.”

I believe that life is about the little moments that come up. This one moment in my family’s lives consisted of a wonderful oncology nurse named Megan who stepped in to our moment and helped us get through it. After Kim passed away, I was going through a few of her things. I found a letter she was writing to the president of Jefferson Hospital about her treatment there, but more importantly, about “her girls” who helped her through the worst time of her life. She loved those girls!  I truly wanted to print her letter for this blog as her final “shout-out” to her girls on the 3rd floor oncology unit at Jefferson hospital—thank you girls from the bottom of my heart.  ~ Tim Miller

Kim and Tim Miller

“To whom it may concern,

 President and CEO of Thomas Jefferson Hospital Administration

Dear Mr. So & So,

I am a fourth stage breast cancer patient in your hospital (August 2010) and I thought I would take the time to write this letter to share my appreciation to you and your staff, right down the line from the kitchen workers to the doctors. Everyone was great. I’ve had cancer for four years now and I went to other hospitals as well, but the treatment at Jeff was outstanding. My nurses made me feel really comfortable and they were so nice and cheerful. Jaclyn, Megan, Eleanor: I think these people deserve stars and should be appreciated for the job well done that they do every day. When you love your job, it shows, and they show it! I was taken down for a few tests, but this one stands out: Rayal* was the tech’s name and from the second he walked up to me he had a big smile, laughing and talking. To me they were like welcoming friends, and that’s what I needed.  He is a great guy who started my day off very good even being in the hospital. I still had good days and bad days, but looking back on my stay at Jeff, I’m not afraid to go back because I know that way I am going to be treated and that’s half the stress right there—knowing I can concentrate on getting well.

Thanks,

Kim Miller”

 

*Exact spelling unavailable

Visit the LBBC website for further information on the importance of your medical team and honor your own oncology nurse by making a donation in his or her name to Living Beyond Breast Cancer.

Tamra Barney: Wines by Wives

Living Beyond Breast Cancer hit the red carpet this week for the Launch Party of  Wines by Wives.

Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Barney

Wines By Wives is a celebrity wine club created by Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Barney of The Real Housewives of Orange County, along with New York businessman and internet marketing entrepreneur Christopher Gravagna. When you become a member of this fabulous wine-of-the-month club, each month you will receive two great wines – two reds, two whites, or one of each that have been selected by one of the reality television stars. LBBC recently became involved with this project because Wines by Wives donates a portion of the proceeds to the chosen charities of  Tamra and Vicki. At the launch party on Tuesday, May 8th, Tamra proudly announced that Living Beyond Breast Cancer was her charity of choice! Sample a few of the attendees on the blog, then take a look at a full album of celebrities who attended at SnapStarLive.

Michael Clarke Duncan(Green Mile) &
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth(The Apprentice)

Stuart O’Keeffe from Private Chefs of Beverly Hills

Philly native, Ashley Herbert, from The Bachelorette

And take a look: Our own associate director of marketing and corporate sponsorships, Kevin Gianotto, was rubbing elbows with Tamra!

LBBC’s Kevin Gianotta with Tamra Barney

 Be sure to check out Wines by Wives, watch the video of Tamra talking about her collaboration with LBBC and come learn more about how you can get involved with Living Beyond Breast Cancer.

Jackie Roth: To Honor Our Mothers

In honor of Mother’s Day, Living Beyond Breast Cancer welcomes back to two bloggers who wrote for us throughout the entirety of their treatment. In this particular entry, Jackie Roth shares what Mother’s Day means to her as a woman living beyond breast cancer.

There are so many ways that we can choose to honor our mothers, wives, sisters and friends who have been diagnosed with breast cancer during the month of May.  Some people choose to do a walk, race, or large event together, while others choose things like dinners, cards, and just spending time together.  Unfortunately, I do not have these options to celebrate with my mom.  I cannot send my mom flowers, a card, or a gift.  I cannot take her to dinner or spend a day doing one of our favorite activities, which was shopping.  I cannot have her join me as I partake in the breast cancer awareness events during the month of May.I lost my mom almost seven years ago to colon cancer.  She was diagnosed at the age of 48 with Stage IV disease, and passed away at the age of 49, just six short months after being diagnosed.  She fought as long and as hard as she could, yet the odds were stacked so heavily against her.

Little Jackie and her mother

It has been so difficult getting through my cancer treatments without her. Mothers have a magical touch that can sometimes just make everything better, even if that thing is your own cancer.  I know that somehow she could make it all go away.  Although she was not here to hold my hand during chemo or take care of me after my multiple surgeries, I know that she was watching from above and protecting me along each step of my cancer journey.

So, the way that I will honor my mom this mother’s day is by surviving.  Continuing to get up and face the day no matter how sick my cancer treatments have made me feel.  I will spread the word about cancer and continue to work in my job as a cancer researcher.  My mom was not given much of a chance to survive, so I am doing it for her…for us.  I am almost two years out from my diagnosis, and I am preparing for my final reconstructive surgery next week.  This surgery represents a closing of the cancer chapter in my life and a chance to move on.

There are still quite a few days before I can think about becoming a mother myself.  My husband and I will not be able to have children for another 5 years or so due to my medications.  Ron and I do not know if we will face any challenges when trying to start a family because of all of the chemotherapy that I had.  But that is a challenge that is far off in the future and we both have hope that things will work out just the way they are supposed to for us.

It is wonderful to have so many events surrounding Mother’s day to show the women in our lives how much we care.  After I recover from my surgery, I will be celebrating with my grandmothers, mother-in-law, step-mother, sister, and friends.  My experience has shown that things can change quickly, so you should take each opportunity to honor your mothers and other survivors as if every day was Mother’s day.

How are you honoring the women in your life this Mother’s Day? Visit our website, here,  to make a donation to Living Beyond Breast Cancer in HONOR of the “mothers” in your life.

Jaime Rossano: What is a MOTHER?

In honor of Mother’s Day, Living Beyond Breast Cancer welcomes back to two bloggers who wrote for us throughout the entirety of their treatment. In this particular entry, Jaime Rossano shares what Mother’s Day means to her as a woman living beyond breast cancer.

A mother can be defined in so many ways, but the ways that come to my mind are: a female, a friend; she is loving, caring, supportive, she helps to clean up your mess, she makes you do things that you don’t want to, she tells you the truth even though sometimes the truth may hurt, she holds your hand when you fall down, she makes you feel better when you are sick, she combs your hair when you can’t reach, she washes you back, she irons your clothes when they are too wrinkled, she makes you laugh, she lets you cry, she gives you words of encouragement when you are down, she loves you no matter what the situation is, she is someone who feels being a mom is not a job but something that she loves,  she’s your mentor, she’s your role model, she is the foundation to what made you who you are today.

During my journey I have found myself surrounded by many mothers. Who says a mother has to be the women who gave birth to you. A mother can be anyone you want to be. I can say I have three mothers,   they are my closest friends: my mom, Nancy; my BFF, Jenn; and most importantly my PINK SISTER, Diane. Without these three women I don’t know if I would have had the strength to continue without their ongoing support and love. They stood me up when all I wanted to do was fall over, they held my hand during the roughest times during my storm, they never let me down, they never left me alone, they gave me the strength I needed not to let go.  Because of my three mothers, I became strong when I was weak. I counted on them more than I have ever counted on someone before.

My mom has always been so supportive and has never let me down. She has always routed me on no matter if I was about to fail. She has been my cheering committee throughout my whole life and without her I have to say I don’t know where I would be today. When the days got dark and the nights got cold she was there to hold me tight and whisper everything will be alright. I can’t help but get choked up every time I think about my journey with breast cancer. The scared look in her eyes as she tried to convince me everything was going to be all right. I know it scares her every day that she could have lost her baby.  Mom, you are my rock and you help me to get through the storms that have come my way. I know no words need to be said but mom, I LOVE YOU and you are my FOREVER FRIEND.

Jaime(right) with her Mother, Nancy.

Jenn, oh what can I say about Jenn? I know? She is my super glue. She holds me together when the world starts falling apart. We were inseparable when we were in school together. You know the routine: everyone grows up. My life was missing something and I could never figure out what it was. It was her, my best friend. When I got sick she was the first one to come running to hold me close and never let me go. She held back her tears and let me let the flood gates run dry. My mom had said that at the beginning of your journey, you will have sick friends (those there while you are sick) and you will have FOREVER friends (those who will never leave your side even if time has gone by). Jenn, you are my FOREVER FRIEND. I thank you for never letting go.

And then there was number three, Diane. Diane, you are my guardian angel. I thank you for your support and for keeping me balanced. I’m glad to know we can share our side-effect stories and just laugh because we know how it feels. You have given me a sense of relief and you have taken some of my worries away. We can compare doctors’ appointments, lab work, exams, and radiology tests and so on. It gives me a sense of comfort to know that you are there. You have made me stronger and I want to thank you for that. We understand each other because we understand the language of breast cancer.  Thank you for always being there to comfort me.

Happy Mother’s day to all WOMEN out there.

How are you honoring the women in your life this Mother’s Day? Visit our website, here,  to make a donation to Living Beyond Breast Cancer in HONOR of the “mothers” in your life.

Theatre Company “Cause Célèbre” honors Living Beyond Breast Cancer

Today, LBBC is featuring a special blog written by Mary Davis, Director of Outreach for Cause Célèbre, a theatre company that premiered to great success on Sunday, December 9, 2007 at The Players in New York City. Created by Food For Thought’s Founding Artistic Director, Susan Charlotte, Cause Célèbre is devoted to fostering an enhanced understanding of psychological, physical and social issues with a play related to a particular cause presented by some of the world’s finest actors. 

As Director of Outreach for Cause Célèbre, one of my jobs is to find charities that somehow relate to the show we are producing that we can partner with and honor at our performances. Last season, Cause Célèbre produced a show called The Shoemaker, starring Academy Award nominated actor and singer, Danny Aiello. The Shoemaker takes place on Tuesday, September 11, 2001 and tells the story of an Italian-American of Jewish heritage who immigrated to the United States after escaping the atrocities of the Holocaust during World War II.  But, it is more importantly an homage dedicated to the spirit of anyone who has found the strength – from within and from the support of those around them – to overcome adversity.  It is a story of survival.

I knew that I wanted to include an organization that worked with women affected by breast cancer as one of the charities to acknowledge during The Shoemaker’s run.   My initial search criteria for a charity (besides relevance, of course) was that it be highly-rated by Charity Navigator, America’s largest independent charity evaluator that provides free financial evaluations of America’s nonprofit organizations.  Living Beyond Breast Cancer was approached after we learned that for six years (as of 2011, and most recently again for 2012) they had been awarded Charity Navigator’s highest rating of four stars – indicating that they are in the top 5% of nonprofits for both fiscal responsibility and transparency.  I didn’t feel it appropriate to urge our audiences to donate money to a charity who did not exemplify the highest commitment to the constituency they serve.  Eighty-four cents of every dollar LBBC raises goes toward educational programs and support services for women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer, empowering them to live as long as possible with the best quality of life regardless if it is measured in days or weeks or years.  LBBC helps women survive.

She’s of a Certain Age

The staff at LBBC with whom I have the pleasure of working with were helpful, enthusiastic, creative and responsive. So when this season’s production of She’s of a Certain Age, (which is related to women’s health issues) was announced, a continued partnership with LBBC was the logical choice. Written by Susan Charlotte and directed by Antony Marsellis, She’s of A Certain Age is a play for men and women of all ages.  The production, presented in three one acts, and stars Drena De Niro, Lois Markle, Robert Newman and Rosemary Prinz.  On Saturday, April 28, we will acknowledge and honor the work being done at LBBC for women everywhere with a special performance and we invite you to join us.  Event details, including ticket prices, dinner and parking specials can be found online at Cause Célèbre or by calling (646) 366-9340.  Before and after the show, LBBC representatives will be providing free materials and answering questions from performance attendees who are or may know someone who is affected by breast cancer.  All of us hope that you will consider joining us.On behalf of all of us at Cause Célèbre, I would like to thank LBBC for the work they do and to all of you reading this for your support of this amazing organization.

Previews for She’s of A Certain Age begin on April 26, 2012.  Opening night is May 20, 2012 with daily performances (excluding Mondays) through June 10. 

A Reflection from Amy Annis

On May 20, Living Beyond Breast Cancer will celebrate the 10th Anniversary of its signature education and fundraising event, Yoga on the Steps.  In addition, this September LBBC will release “Yoga and Breast Cancer,” a new title in our expanding library of “Understanding Breast Cancer” guides. Recently, the blog introduced Amy Annis who wrote an intimate piece about her connection to yoga while in recovery. Due to some thoughtful questioning, Amy would like to share more accurately her knowledge of the yoga practice and the issue of Lymphedema in women diagnosed with breast cancer.

Many survivors will tell you that in an odd way cancer is a gift. Of course it certainly doesn’t feel like that in the beginning. But many women, during and after diagnosis, pull up something deep from within themselves and become much stronger than they ever thought they could be. Subsequently, survivors are often perceived as courageous, partially because they are, and partially because they had to be. When you are given that kind of news it is an eyeball to eyeball with death moment, and most of us suit up with all of the strength we can muster and walk head first into treatment.

When I received my diagnosis, I admittedly crumpled at first but wasn’t given much time to wallow in pity and disbelief. Within weeks I was heading into chemo. That was by far the first big risk I took in this cancer journey. I say this because for a practicing yogini who typically led a very healthy life the idea of pumping poison into my veins felt really wrong. It was a health juxtaposition that messed with my mind and my spirit.

Throughout the next few months I had moments of panic where despite all of the great medical advice I was given I wanted to stop the whole process and retreat. During my treatment, Suzanne Sommers released a book suggesting that chemo was a pharmaceutical conspiracy and it just about put me over the edge. Every day I questioned myself and my very amazing medical team. And each time I had to eventually put myself back in the right frame of mind that I did not have total control, this was a process of eliminating cancer, and I needed to jump in full force.

After treatment, and as I mentioned in my prior blog, I used yoga as a means of recovery. My mat was my safe zone and I very slowly began to practice again. I discussed this process with my surgeon and oncologist and they both suggested that I needed to trust my instincts with the poses I chose. This was not a foreign concept at all. Years of yoga had taught me patience and I knew that you never push through pain. I was very familiar with the idea of listening to my body’s signals.

Following my mastectomy and node removal and familiar with the recommendations that you don’t incorporate certain poses initially, I inched my way from gentle restorative yoga towards a more vigorous practice. I say inched because it was a challenge for me; I wanted that strength back so bad. Tears of frustration were not uncommon. But after a period of several months of practicing modified poses, I was back on my mat holding my downward facing dog.

At this point in life I am literally doing hundreds of downward facing dogs. I am familiar with the risk of lymphedema in my right arm from this pose and have made the conscious choice to keep practicing it.  I also know that I can get lymphedema from flying, cutting my arm while gardening, or even an insect bite.  I will still fly to spend time with friends I love, hike in the great Northwood’s amongst mosquitoes, and practice downward facing dog. On the flip side, I will use the potential risk of lymphedema to get out of any gardening duties assigned (wink). But the decision to do certain yoga poses is a calculated risk I am willing to take. And so far the rewards have outweighed the risks big time.

Today I saw my surgeon for a check-up. He went over mammogram results, checked my arm and wrists for swelling, and spent a good deal of time up in my armpits. When he asked me to rise my arms he made mention of my incredible range of motion. And he asked me how the yoga biz was going. Before he left he reminded me of the aggressive nature of my form of cancer. It was the only somber moment in the room. Despite all of the rewards of living this very full life I will always face the possibility of cancer’s return.

Armed with this knowledge, I dig my heels into the ground a little further determined to practice yoga despite its potential risks for a patient with a history of breast cancer. As a teacher, I do my best to inform all my clients of any potential risks (understanding every physical activity has an element of it) only after I sing yoga’s praises. For me, and many of the clients that I work with, yoga has so far brought forth only benefits, not only of a healthy body but of a peaceful mind. And if someday I do get lymphedema, I won’t blame myself… or the yoga. I will find other ways to modify and practice, be at peace with the changes in my body, and continue to feel grateful for my amazing life.

After her bout with “crazy” cancer in 2009, Amy decided to take her dreams to the next level and developed her yoga retreat concept on beautiful Madeline Island, WI.  She also found her writing voice and recently launched her own blog.  As a yoga mamma, wife, outdoor enthusiast, and dog lover she delights in life a little off balance.  Lately, she is very grateful for hair. You can find her on Twitter and Facebook.

Randi Rentz is “Bringing Sexy Back!” Part 3 of a Multi-Series

This coming Wednesday,  March 28th, Living Beyond Breast Cancer will host a free Community Meeting addressing the complex issues of sex and intimacy after diagnosis. Today Randi Rentz  finishes her story–providing insight and humor on the subject–in this final installment from a chapter in her forthcoming book, Why Buy a Wig…When You Can Buy Diamonds!  Please note, this blog has a very mature theme and may not be suitable to all audiences.

On our way to the register we pass the sale section. I see edible body pasties, swizzle sticks and coochy lotions. Tattoo girl turns to the left and I follow her like a dog on a leash.

“You need a lubricant to go with your new toy and probably a cleanser too.”

Oh, my God! Lubricant and cleanser! It’s pretty apparent to me that my drugstore stuff doesn’t cut the ice with tattoo girl. She takes me down the lubricant aisle and points to the tissues on the top shelves. There are testers for every brand. Tattoo girl tells me I can try each brand, but to make sure to clean my hand or fingers with the tissue after each application. She is so considerate.

Tattoo girl and I walk up to the register where she puts my new toy and lubricant in a black sealed bag. She gives me sample cleansers for my vibrator and tells me to clean it after every use because bacteria can grow and she doesn’t want me to get an infection. How thoughtful.

I leave the store and think maybe I should have sex on the road, but know better. I worry about having a bad experience, like taking my lubricant on a trip and having my bags checked. What if the baggage checker finds my lubricant and holds it up for everybody to see? Oh God, I can never put it in my carry-on luggage. How embarrassing would that be? I should just turn myself in to the Lubricant Police.

I only hope that when I get home and use my new toy, things will slowly come back to life. Maybe I should dump my bag in my closet and hope that I can find someone who will want to be with me and accept me for who and what I am, rather than judging me on the exterior like I did with my lubricant. Shit. I throw My Little Secret and Pink in the closet. There’s always tomorrow.

It would be easier if there were a web-site for single breast cancer survivors. But what man would check out that site? Would my profile read, “Single, sexy woman who has been sliced and diced, poisoned and nuked: seeking conversation, love and travel?”  If I am fixed up on a blind date, should the guy be informed of my breast cancer or should I just not say a word about it? I think the hat or scarf that I wear is a dead giveaway, though. Would a man resent me because I haven’t told him my dirty little cancer secret prior to the date? If I decide to tell a date about my breast cancer, do I tell him what kind and how my breast really wasn’t affected too much from the surgery?

Cancer has changed my body. People now say I look average, not skinny. I look at myself in the mirror and can’t believe that the lean me with blonde hair is now two sizes bigger. It’s a real change, but I keep telling myself it is only temporary.

Maybe my biggest problem is getting my inner strength back. I continue to wear my diamonds, but something is missing. How will I date if I don’t feel good about my body that is drastically different than something that I am used to? My inner strength needs to come from my self-esteem which robbed me of my own security.

When I finally meet someone who I want to be romantic and sexy for, I get a migraine and am nauseous. I can’t wear lingerie with lace or built in underwire because it hurts and rubs the area where the tumor was excised. I don’t want to wear the scarf to bed, but am nervous that I will look like an egg-head. The idea of me “bringing sexy back” just backfired. I want to be touched so badly, that it hurts. In fact, everything hurts and I feel like throwing up.

I consider putting on Danielle, my free wig, a black tank top and black lace underwear. I put on high heels and stare at myself in the mirror. I look like I should be starring in a porno flick as someone by the name of Mimi Canterbury. You know; my dog’s first name and the first street I lived on as a kid. Maybe I should have sex with my eyes closed wearing sweat pants.

I put on my red skull cap instead and look just like, “Little Red Riding Hood.”  I don’t want him to see me without a full head of hair. In addition, I wear my diamond studs, add a touch of light fragrance and apply make-up. I decide to wear boxers and a tight T-shirt, but not too tight; something comfortable. I want to be normal and just don’t know what to do. I feel like a school girl having sexual relations for the first time.

Will the man I chose to have relations with be turned on by my body, my looks and my love making? I know that he is turned on by my intelligence, my ability to express amusement about my situation, but does he really want to do “the act” with me? My mind is saying “of course he does, he’s a guy,” but maybe he truly has feelings for me, Randi.

I can barely feel his hand on my left breast because it is still numb in many areas. I think he really wants me. Yes, he wants me a lot. I can tell from his caress on my body and the way he kisses me. Maybe it’s not about the breasts and the hair after all. Maybe it’s just me that he wants. And he wants me again and again. It’s magic.

To learn more about the unabridged chapter or to read additional excepts from her book, Why Buy a Wig…When You Can Buy Diamonds!, you can visit her website. If you are in the Philadelphia area, please join us for our free Community Meeting on sex and intimacy at the Loews Hotel. You can find additional resources on our website, including our Understanding Guides. LBBC is currently taking pre-orders for “Intimacy and Sexuality” the newest title in its expanding “Understanding Breast Cancer” series.