Tiffany Mannino is back sharing another ‘Dear Lola’ journal entry with us; letters penned to her future daughter about her breast cancer experience. This time she shares her thoughts and feelings about being halfway through her chemotherapy treatment…
April 19, 2010
I know it has been quite a long time since I’ve written. Although I have thought about you every single day, the truth is, I have not wanted to share with you how I’ve been feeling. I always envisioned that what I would write to you would inspire and uplift you as I am a firm believer in finding the positive in every situation. Truthfully, I’m having an incredibly difficult time finding the light in the midst of darkness at the moment as I’m going through such a challenging time in my life.
The last time I wrote to you was on the eve of my first chemo treatment. I was filled with great anxiety and anticipation. Well, now I should be celebrating because I’ve reached a milestone…my halfway mark. It has been eight weeks, and I have completed four of my eight treatments. Although I’m thrilled to be halfway done, I’ll admit, that doesn’t replace the dread I feel that I still have four more! I’m not going to sugarcoat it, chemo totally sucks!
Going through chemo for me has hands-down been the most difficult part of the breast cancer journey and truthfully, the hardest thing I thing I’ve ever faced. Each treatment has brought on a different set of challenges to face.
The first treatment made me violently ill to the point I was practically vomiting up my intestines. I remember lying in bed at 3 o’clock in the morning writhing and crying out to my mom, begging her to make it stop. In between tears, I pleaded with God to take away my pain. At that moment, my mother wrapped her entire body around me and with tears in her eyes, just held me like a baby. It is amazing to me as a 36 year old adult, how much I wanted and needed my mother as if I were a little child once again. In that moment, I realized that we never, ever outgrow our mothers and the need for their love and care. Read the rest of this entry »