Comments on: Randi Rentz: What to Say (and What Not to Say) when Your Friend is Diagnosed

By: http://tinyurl.com/powekeef15687

http://tinyurl.com/powekeef15687 — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 08:33:07 +0000

I actually blog also and I’m authoring a thing comparable
to this article, “Randi Rentz: What to Say (and What Not to Say) when
Your Friend is Diagnosed � LBBC’s Blog”. Do you really care in the event I actuallyincorporate a number of of your suggestions? Thanks for your time -Teri

By: Julie

Julie — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 04:52:57 +0000

Such kind sensitivity the way your co-worker looked after you. Love that story….And it’s great when people make you feel normal.

By: mpbarry

mpbarry — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 01:32:28 +0000

Cards meant so much to me. I have each and every one of them–11 years later. I have never forgotten all the thoughtful things people did without being too helpful. I remember the small things like a co-worker walking with me to my train after work pretending to just be going in that direction when they were worried I might have problems on a day I must not have looked very well. And, a wonderful group of 3 women who stopped by on Saturdays with coffee and bagels just to sit and laugh and talk. I looked forward to those visits all week. They made me feel normal.

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 16:58:00 +0000

Ooh, that’s a sensitive one for me, too, Sharon. I think this is a common thing that cancer survivors experience and hate. Depending on the timing of when someone does it (even 13 years out), it can spark annoyance, or fear (do they know something I don’t know??), or it can even feel condescending.

My mom is a cancer survivor of 40 years and I will sometimes gently mention that to people who seem to think cancer is never survived. It usually changes their demeanor quickly. I have tried to learn to show people grace in this regard, but educate them at the same time.

By: Sharon Woodrow

Sharon Woodrow — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:33:37 +0000

Okay, something Lani said triggered my memory of THE most annoying thing NOT to say… bar none!! (at least in my book). It has always been very important to me not to define myself as a cancer patient and dwell on the past, but rather to keep moving forward. In that spirit, I HATE when people sympathetically put their hand on mine and ask in a lowered tone “How are you doing, really?” or anything along those lines. I had someone say to me the other day “You look good!” in a surprised kind of way… mind you, I’m nearly seven years after diagnosis and treatment. I replied “Why not?” Sympathy might be acceptable during the illness itself, but let survivors bask in their strength and resilience without trying to drag them back into the patient role. I don’t want to go back there!

By: Lani

Lani — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 08:47:13 +0000

Like Julie, I really appreciated the cards I received. My cousin-in-law sent me a card every week during my many months of treatments, and it was such a boost to know that someone was thinking of me. What I didn’t like was getting a lot of phone calls; I wanted to keep the phone line open in case the doctor’s office was calling with results of this or that test. Also, treatment was draining, to say the least, and the last thing I wanted was someone (other than a doctor) calling while I was napping.
LotsaHelpingHands.com is a great way for someone to keep everyone informed of your progress and to let them know when you need a ride or meals or whatever; then they can sign up online for whatever they wish to do for you.
Depending on the outside temperature, I’d be wary of leaving food by the door without making arrangements ahead of time. I did appreciate receiving home-cooked meals, though; fortunately most people contacted my husband to ask when we’d like meals, otherwise we could have had them all come at once.
Also it was nice when people I knew only in passing came up to me on the street or in a store and mention they’d heard (I didn’t care who knew what I was going through) of my diagnosis and express their care and concern briefly. It was especially uplifting when some of them told me they’d had breast cancer years ago; I hadn’t known and it was encouraging to see how great they were doing years later.

By: Sharon Woodrow

Sharon Woodrow — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 05:56:07 +0000

Thanks Julie, and I equally love what your brother did with leaving those little gifts for you to find when you came home from doctor’s appointments. It’s like a little reward for being a trooper. Like you, I’m many years out now… not 13, but half that. Talk about being private… this is the first time I’ve ever even blogged about it!

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 04:30:27 +0000

I’m sorry I never responded to your comment, Jimmy. That was really sweet of you. It’s been 13 years out for me and I’m really doing well. Thank you for your prayers.

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 04:27:28 +0000

Something that one of my brothers did that deeply touched me during the first couple of weeks after diagnosis, was to leave small gifts at our front door to discover after a draining time of being with doctors. He drove a long way to leave just tiny little gestures that felt like tremendous support. I don’t even remember what all of them were, but at the time I was afraid of eating any junk food, and one time I came home to fresh, cold fruit salad hanging creatively off the door knob. I laughed and cried simultaneously…..Years later, I got to follow his example when a dear friend was diagnosed. It was as rewarding to pick out little things and tie them to her door as it was to feel how deeply it touched my friend’s heart.

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 04:21:49 +0000

Oh, I love what your sweet cousins did for you! How thoughtful. I would have enjoyed that, too.

When I went through it, people weren’t using computers to the extent that they do now. It’s lovely that people can be kept informed so quickly and all at once. You had great family support. So helpful.